People on their Wedding Anniversaries....

            Wedding anniversaries are always a special occasion. On the first it's all about the mushiness of the new romance, adventures that you seek out to have from the first night to the planning of the whole life. The wife can't stop blushing and the husband can't seem to take his eyes off her. By 10th it's all about the milestones achieved. A decade spent on building the life they would live. While the innocent kids are busy playing, parents decide which school they should be getting into. Basically this anniversary is not about the couple it’s about the parents.

Coming down to the silver jubilee, now that’s a wow moment. 25 yrs of disagreements well handled! Silver jubilees are amazing, and a cause for big celebrations, where the kids are managing everything and the parents are treated like newly married couple...what a fuss!.

But as time passes and we get older things get a bit dull, you start feeling nostalgic not about the life that you have lived but about dreams that you set out to achieve, and somewhere in making plans for future forgot to include them. Or thought you have time for it later, realizing now, that the time is long gone. This is saying a lot about individual dreams, but what about the “Couple’s Dreams”. If on a 36th wedding anniversary a couple has nothing to share or talk about and they seem so bored and disappointed in each other that the only healthy conversation to strike is to comment on people sitting at other tables, then that's really sad.

Here’s an encounter of such kind.This couple belongs to the elite society……not stinking rich, but absolutely not upper middle class. It so happened that I accompanied them on their 36th wedding anniversary. At first I felt a little awkward since I was the third wheel, you know since anniversaries are a bit intimate events, but as it turned out I was the only connecting bridge between the two idiots.

For the purpose of the story let’s assume the couple to be Mr. and Mrs. X. 

Let me give you a little back story, Mr. X is a simpleton, down to earth gentleman coming from a lower middle class family like the one with the struggling background. Since he was subjected to the atrocities of life at an early age, his humble attitude never left him, it’s a pleasure to be around him. I guess that’s what makes him such a kind person and a true gentleman. On the contrary Mrs. X is an arrogant, proud, sort of catty, with an “I'm always right” kind of attitude. She’s the kind of person who tells even the doctor that his or her diagnosis is wrong, if it doesn’t coincide with her self-analysis, the authority to do so she acquired by an ancient science degree and a few medical journals she had all the time in the world to read. Before I met her, I always thought the self absorbed, self-centered attitude she inculcated is due to loneliness, but looking back now I think it’s the other way around, or who knows, it’s like the chicken and egg situation.

Letting her be around you means, putting her in charge of your life decisions such as where you sit, what you eat , what you breath, what you think and the list goes on n on. Funny how some people are right? In fact I always wonder what is she so proud of? 

Not the point of the story….sorry I'm drifting again.

Getting back to the evening, so as planned by Mrs. X we went to a restaurant that according to me was slightly above average, but considering the lifestyle adapted by Mrs. X, I assumed that’s the way she rolls. Mr. X seemed surprisingly quite and deep in thought or may be calculating how much of his retirement savings is this women going to spend. Well my heart felt sorry for the poor man.

Entering in we were greeted graciously by the owner of the restaurant. Suddenly Mr. X who seemed lost all this while popped a huge smile in acceptance to the greeting. It seemed he was happier to see his friend than the fact that he managed to survive for so long with his wife. As we were shown to our table and settled, thus began the half hour pin drop silence as though the couple were mourning 36 yrs they had spent together going to the garbage. The waiter thankfully interrupted our silent zone with a menu card. 

The dominating Mrs. X took upon herself to decide what our stomachs were hungry for and began placing the order. It so happened that the prices were as high as the glory of the restaurant, and Mrs. X suddenly dropped her high poise and elite standards realizing her financial status and declared with a strict tone, “Its already past supper time, We shall not be having any appetizers, let’s move to the main course”.

“I need some soup”- declared Mr. X politely but firmly from across the table.

“Fine, then we shall have only 1 soup divided in three” replied Mrs. X in contradiction.

“I need a whole soup” –stated Mr. X. 

In response Mrs. X murmured a few words regarding how bad Mr. X is at making choices in life, and how he always makes unhealthy decisions etc etc. But Mr. X did not budge from his soup. As a spectator to the whole charade I just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. 

The waiter took our order and left the three of us in another episode of awkward silence. Even my watch seemed to have stopped. I agree time is relative but never realized, that it applies to even the dining table (relative to situations). I didn’t want to open my mouth because Mrs. X would give an agitated answer as always so I tried to play it cool.

Suddenly Mrs. X who was keenly observing the young couple on adjacent table passed a comment –“how people can be so irresponsible as to order food and then not have it. Can’t you tell the capacity of your own stomach? By her physique it’s pretty clear she won’t be able to have that milkshake.” Mr. X dint have anything to add to it. We barely managed to pass the evening in quite awkwardness, staring away from each other’s eyes to avoid chance of conversation. We had our soup and then the main course. After reaching home, we said our good nights but Mr. X still looked upset and asked to be excused for a while. I saw the man walk towards his armchair lost in thoughts so deep there was no coming back from it. I quietly moved to my room, and slipped in my mattress wondering, what he must be thinking. 36 yrs of married life an all I saw was countless regrets, exhaustion from living the ordeal that is his marriage, and a small question “could it have been different, if I had handled things differently?” Of all the things I noticed, one really surprised me, Mr. X did not hate his women. 

That sunken face still haunts me, makes me think, can a person be so beautiful yet can be damned?

I never got to understand Mrs. X’s side of the story but I’m sure she too must have loved the man in her own twisted ways. Her every gesture however dictating had a deep health concern, for her man. Every taunt no matter how insulting carried a burden of memories they both shared.

Two people could be in love but still not be right for each other. Love and understanding as we say is the basis of marriage but the truth is it’s all a matter of how happy you make each other. No amount of understanding can satisfy you if it does not end with acceptance. If the company is unbearable, residents will always try to move out of the house, and if they can’t they will move so far apart that no amount of physical proximity will bridge the gap.

 --Tejasvi Lotlikar--

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